Welcome to Real Dry News — Stories That Survive
Broadcasting from somewhere between a government furlough and the Late Holocene, Real Dry News puts today’s most pressing headlines and topics under the inescapable hammer of deep time.
Real Dry News unearths the biggest stories, brushes off the panic and doom, and reminds us that everything new eventually gets old (aka nothing is new) — and that’s okay.
Dig deep, move slowly, and occasionally find meaning buried under the dust.
No sensational news. Just enduring perspective.
No outrage. Just entropy.
No hurry. Ever.
Unless you think of glaciers as hurried…
Critical Acclaim for Real Dry News
“Jesse Dyrt is easily the least timely news anchor today.”
— Archaeology & Accountability Weekly
“If news was paint, this is like watching it dry. Strangely refreshing in a world of Jackson Pollocks.”
— The Slow Scroll
“Like The Daily Show and The Good Place got stuck in a time machine with Carl Sagan.”
— An index card in the top drawer
“Who knew a news desk was even still a thing?”
— Streaming Nowhere Digest
“Complete and utter nonsense—but there’s no denying that sense is part of it.”
— Chronos Review
“There’s a reason why we should keep PhDs out of the studio.”
— The Daily Collapse
“I’m just here for the interruptions.”
— User_404
“Who let an archaeologist on YouTube?”
— The Comment Section
“I wish we could blame a historian for this show.”
— Peer Review Quarterly
“Came for the news, stayed for the synth-polka. No, wait, I didn’t.”
— Public Access Enthusiast