We have one (1) product.
It’s a mug.
You probably don’t need it.
But if you’ve ever:
- Described your fieldwork as “adequate”
- Preferred the 1997 Blue Marble to the 2002 whiz-bang edition
- Wondered what beverage pairs best with existential silt
…then we may have achieved sedimentary alignment.
Introducing: The Okayest Archaeologist Mug (Original)
What it is: An 11 oz white ceramic vessel featuring NASA’s 1997 composite photograph of Earth and the professionally honest declaration: “World’s Okayest Archaeologist.”
What it’s for: Tea. Coffee. The liquid contemplation of deep time. Whatever you need to fuel the slow, patient work of understanding things that happened before anyone was keeping score.
What it’s NOT for: Impressing your dissertation committee. They’ve seen better mugs. They’ve seen worse fieldwork.
Why This Mug Exists
Because archaeology is:
- 10% discovery
- 30% paperwork
- 60% standing in holes wondering if you’re doing it right
And sometimes you need a mug that understands.
Also, Jesse needs something to drink from while reading the news, and Mortimer the trowel doesn’t hold liquids very well.
Design Notes
The 1997 Blue Marble
NASA produced the 1997 composite image of Earth to commemorate the 25th anniversary of the iconic photograph taken by the Apollo 17 astronauts in 1972.
In 2002, NASA shifted to the Moderate Resolution Imaging Spectroradiometer (MODIS), which enabled automated, continuously collected satellite data. NASA started producing Blue Marbles with imagery spanning multiple months, or even a full year.
2002+ Blue Marbles are more high-res. More next generation. The 1997 image was a single snapshot for a specific period in the autumn of that year.
We chose 1997.
Because Earth has been in business for 4.5 billion years and the 1997 Blue Marble is the last “snapshot” showing our planet witnessing some very specific things.
Let’s appreciate that.
The Text
“World’s Okayest Archaeologist” is not false modesty.
It’s professional realism.
You’ve had good days. You’ve had days where you lost your trowel. You’ve had days where you found your trowel but lost the stratigraphic context.
On average: okay.
Consistently, reliably, adequately okay.
That’s the dream.
Specifications
Material: Ceramic (because pottery lasts)
Capacity: 11 oz (because that’s how much caffeine it takes)
Dishwasher safe: Yes (unlike some career choices)
Microwave safe: Yes (unlike some Bronze Age metallurgy)
Lead-free: Yes
BPA-free: Yes
Judgment-free: Absolutely not. This mug knows what you did at that conference.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Will this mug make me a better archaeologist?
A: No. But it will make you a more honest one.
Q: I’m not an archaeologist. Can I still buy this?
A: If you’ve ever:
- Carefully excavated a drawer looking for something you lost
- Dated objects based on accumulated dust layers
- Explained to someone that “it’s more complicated than that”
You’re archaeologist-adjacent. The mug accepts you.
Q: What’s “Real Dry News”?
A: An archaeologist reads the news. A mysterious power makes him do it. There’s a trowel that may or may not be sentient. It’s hard to say.
The first broadcast drops soon.
You’ll know it when you see it.
Q: Why is this called “Original”?
A: Because variations are coming.
Midnight edition. Field edition. Sky’s the limit, really.
This is the one that will appear in Episode 1. You saw it here first.
The canonical first mug.
The original vessel of sedimentary ambition.
Q: Is Mortimer for sale?
A: No.
Mortimer has put in the miles. He’s been in the trenches.
He’s earned retirement.
Respect his service.
Q: Does Jesse actually use this mug?
A: Yes.
He owns three.
One for tea. One for coffee. One for the existential silt that settles after contemplating 200,000 years of human decision-making.
All three are usually dirty.
Shipping & Handling
Mugs ship within 3-5 business days, which is fast by archaeological standards (most pottery takes 600+ years to ship).
Each order also prompts a thank-you email with a QR code to the Real Dry News YouTube channel, where you can watch Jesse use this exact mug while explaining why civilizations stop. And start. And do things.
The email is ephemeral.
The mug is dishwasher-safe.
Choose accordingly.
A Warning
Purchasing this mug may result in:
- Unsolicited stories from strangers about their “archaeology phase”
- Colleagues asking if you’re really okay
- Sudden clarity about your professional trajectory
- Decreased tolerance for enthusiastic careerists
- Increased appreciation for adequate fieldwork
- The temptation to start all sentences with “Well, actually, if you look at the stratigraphy…”
We cannot be held responsible for any of these outcomes.
You were warned.
What’s Next
The store is open.
Episode 1 is coming.
More products may manifest, eventually.
For now: one mug. Eleven ounces. Four and a half billion years of planetary context and professional honesty.
That feels like enough.
Order Now (Or Don’t)
We’re not saying you need this mug.
We’re saying if you’ve ever stood in a unit, holding a trowel, wondering if that’s a cultural feature or just a rock, and thought “I am doing okay, I think, probably”…
…this might be your mug.